Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

For things you would put in a kitty dump.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Life is what happens while you make other plans.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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I'm about to get the answer to an age-old question.


I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Glenn Schroeder wrote: Mon Jan 31, 2022 12:37 pm I'm about to get the answer to an age-old question.


I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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DennisD wrote: Thu Feb 03, 2022 8:44 amimage.png
;; Looks like someone didn't know how to do math!!!
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Life is what happens while you make other plans.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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KaMei wrote: Thu Feb 10, 2022 2:08 amDadProgrammer.jpg
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I LOVE IT!
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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KaMei wrote: Mon Feb 14, 2022 1:45 am
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image.png (207.66 KiB) Viewed 8923 times
This should also say "Some assembly required"
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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DennisD wrote: Mon Feb 14, 2022 8:08 am This should also say "Some assembly required"
Also add, 'Wearing it will help prevent Covid'
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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I don't know who I like more, Dylan or Catherine.
Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Life is what happens while you make other plans.
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I decided that technical drafting was not for me. I will now dedicate myself to art. My first project, waiting for your comments.
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Not a joke exactly...
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Ömür Tokman wrote: Fri Feb 25, 2022 2:29 am I decided that technical drafting was not for me. I will now dedicate myself to art. My first project, waiting for your comments.
IMG-20210331-WA0004.jpg
Omur,
You have to let us know which one you drew...
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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mattpeneguy wrote: Fri Feb 25, 2022 10:23 am Not a joke exactly...
image.png
Please excuse me while I go and contribute some quenching medium.
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DennisD wrote: Fri Feb 25, 2022 10:55 am Please excuse me while I go and contribute some quenching medium.
You a red head or a goat?
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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mattpeneguy wrote: Fri Feb 25, 2022 12:03 pm You a red head or a goat?
I'm more of a gray-haired fox! :D
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Who knew that ice could wreak so much havoc on one's health. Well, that's it for me, from now on I will be drinking everything neat. UU
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SamSpade wrote: Mon Feb 28, 2022 12:56 pm DRINK.jpg

Who knew that ice could wreak so much havoc on one's health. Well, that's it for me, from now on I will be drinking everything neat. UU
That reminds me of the old joke where a teacher got up before the class, trying to teach them a life lesson. He brought out two glasses, with a worm in each. He poured whiskey in one and water in the other. The one in the whiskey promptly died, and the other one was fine.

The teacher said "Class, what have we learned from this?" Little Johnny replied "If you drink whiskey you won't have worms."
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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mattpeneguy wrote: Fri Feb 25, 2022 10:24 am Omur,
You have to let us know which one you drew...
this request makes me think I am on the right track. the drawing on the right. It is quite normal to not be able to distinguish such a successful work from the original. I'm glad you realize how talented I am. :mrgreen:
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Ömür Tokman wrote: Fri Feb 25, 2022 2:29 am I decided that technical drafting was not for me. I will now dedicate myself to art. My first project, waiting for your comments.
IMG-20210331-WA0004.jpg
If you would be a drummer of a famous rock band you would make millions with your interpretation and people would praise you for your style ...
Life is what happens while you make other plans.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said,'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

I now have a 30 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.

'So what do you think about that Doc ?'

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.'

One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'

'As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang.'

Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

The doctor replied, 'My point exactly.'
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SamSpade wrote: Mon Mar 07, 2022 10:09 amCAR.jpg
Today's price in Berlin, Germany €2,19 for 95 Octane, per litre ...
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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KaMei wrote: Tue Mar 08, 2022 2:05 am Today's price in Berlin, Germany €2,19 for 95 Octane, per litre ...
Now that's no joke. :)
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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KaMei wrote: Tue Mar 08, 2022 2:05 am Today's price in Berlin, Germany €2,19 for 95 Octane, per litre ...
Just buy an electric car...
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If all goes well, I should get my loan approved tomorrow. Then I can go fill up my gas tank. Wish me luck!

My friend with poor credit rating says she's just gonna drive her car until it stops, then abandon it there.
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KaMei wrote: Tue Mar 08, 2022 2:05 am Today's price in Berlin, Germany €2,19 for 95 Octane, per litre ...
That's only $2.40 US.....now that's cheap. And I thought the EU was more reliant on Russian oil than the US?
Jason
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jcapriotti wrote: Tue Mar 08, 2022 6:42 pm That's only $2.40 US.....now that's cheap. And I thought the EU was more reliant on Russian oil than the US?
Jason, you only converted the currency, not the volume. 2.19 Euro/liter = $2.38/liter * (3.7854 liter/gallon) = $9.01/gallon
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DennisD wrote: Tue Mar 08, 2022 9:48 pm Jason, you only converted the currency, not the volume. 2.19 Euro/liter = $2.38/liter * (3.7854 liter/gallon) = $9.01/gallon
Well duh on my part. <()>
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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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KaMei wrote: Wed Mar 16, 2022 2:56 amNoTurnsToday.jpg
I hope he's heading straight home!
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He that finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for [Christ's] sake will find it. Matt. 10:39
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Tom G wrote: Mon Mar 28, 2022 2:33 pm
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Apple?
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It's an autocorrected April, I must assume. Written in a tech journalism site, Apple is also a legit topic.
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