Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

For things you would put in a kitty dump.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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mattpeneguy wrote: Wed Jun 16, 2021 9:17 am Yeah, I've seen expiration dates on honey, too...
Never call your wife, fiancé or girlfriend

"Honey"

One Definition is "Concentrated Sap" (that was replaced by) "Viscid Fluid"
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Yes, these are SI units. . .
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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mattpeneguy wrote: Wed Jun 16, 2021 9:17 am Yeah, I've seen expiration dates on honey, too...
Actually honey can expire if it is not sealed properly. Honey is pretty hydroscopic and at some tipping point it becomes able to ferment....so well I guess it doesn't go bad per say, just turns into mead UU
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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@mattpeneguy BT;DT!
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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DennisD wrote: Fri Jun 25, 2021 8:09 amimage.png
I thought this was the Jokes Thread...That's actually sound advice for stopping itching...
Can't wait until next week with the follow up...
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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@DennisD,
Just sent that picture to my wife and her reply was, "Was that from the CDC?"!!!!!
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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mattpeneguy wrote: Fri Jun 25, 2021 8:41 am @DennisD,
Just sent that picture to my wife and her reply was, "Was that from the CDC?"!!!!!
Tell her it was from the AOC. :roll:
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Doesn't even need translation....
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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mattpeneguy wrote: Mon Jun 28, 2021 8:01 amimage.png
Is this something that the CDC is (finally) admitting?
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Hell no don't delete this from the auto correct @matt f*** blocks the word f***....maybe I like ducking better

Interesting, the other day I saw $#!+ is replaced by other characters.
It's one thing to tell us not to curse...it's another to censor us...
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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KaMei wrote: Tue Jun 29, 2021 1:58 amHardReset.jpg
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Reminds me...
I bought an iPod years ago and didn't like the way it worked...So, I don't like apple. (There are other reasons, too...don't get me started on Starbucks...)
I was going on about the old one button mouse at work. So I got to work one day and someone swapped my mouse out for one. So, I brought a hammer to work with a label on it that says, "APPLE SERVICING IMPLEMENT". Anytime someone complains about their iPhone or ipod I offer to help fix it.. For whatever reason no one has taken me up on my offer.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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mattpeneguy wrote: Tue Jun 29, 2021 7:51 am image.png

Hell no don't delete this from the auto correct @matt effing blocks the word effing....maybe I like ducking better

Interesting, the other day I saw $#!+ is replaced by other characters.
It's one thing to tell us not to curse...it's another to censor us...
Maybe instead of sarcasm fonts we need a seriously font, and just assume everything not marked is sarcastic. I have a hard time getting old and tone deaf. I can't ban all those words, they're part of my every day dickshunary.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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mattpeneguy wrote: Tue Jun 29, 2021 8:02 am image.png
Reminds me...
I bought an iPod years ago and didn't like the way it worked...So, I don't like apple. (There are other reasons, too...don't get me started on Starbucks...)
I was going on about the old one button mouse at work. So I got to work one day and someone swapped my mouse out for one. So, I brought a hammer to work with a label on it that says, "APPLE SERVICING IMPLEMENT". Anytime someone complains about their iPhone or ipod I offer to help fix it.. For whatever reason no one has taken me up on my offer.
That reminds me of a previous job. The guy I replaced had a radio that apparently got bad reception, or had blown speakers, or something, and sounded terrible. One day one of his co-workers couldn't stand it any more asked the guy if he'd like him to fix it, to which he replied "Yeah, I wish you would."

It was promptly fixed . . . with a 2 x 4.
"On the days when I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, well, I have really good days."

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Prior to the invention of the crowbar, all crows had to drink at home.

Imagine how happy Barn Owls were when humans first built barns.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
- - -Randy Pausch
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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July the 4th be with you!
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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We've been scratching our heads about how to fit a platform into a tight space...and a coworker left this on my desk, see my comments.:
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Here's my second page:
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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mattpeneguy wrote: Tue Jul 06, 2021 11:26 am We've been scratching our heads about how to fit a platform into a tight space...and a coworker left this on my desk, see my comments.:
image.png



Here's my second page:
image.png
Thank goodness you used purple ink.... ()

I mean, you could impale someone on those sharp corners.
He that finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for [Christ's] sake will find it. Matt. 10:39
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls aren't there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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KaMei wrote: Wed Jul 07, 2021 2:42 am 1401835125613137922-png__700.jpg
I went to ikea once and decided not to go again. I was nervous. You cannot leave without visiting the entire maza for a shopping that will take 5 minutes in total. It was a nerve wracking experience for me.
You ˹alone˺ we worship and You ˹alone˺ we ask for help.
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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Ömür Tokman wrote: Wed Jul 07, 2021 7:20 am I went to ikea once and decided not to go again. I was nervous. You cannot leave without visiting the entire maza for a shopping that will take 5 minutes in total. It was a nerve wracking experience for me.
I also went to one once. I was with my son and daughter-in-law. I would not return without similar guides. If I went alone I would either never find what I wanted or become lost and wander around for days.
"On the days when I keep my gratitude higher than my expectations, well, I have really good days."

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

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