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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jun 15, 2023 9:59 am
by KaMei
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Enkv0MzXUAE6tMi.png (32.62 KiB) Viewed 21911 times

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jun 15, 2023 2:49 pm
by Frederick_Law
I had 2 coffee already.
Might need another.
So I'll hate everyone equally.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jun 16, 2023 4:16 am
by Ömür Tokman
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jun 19, 2023 9:06 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2023 3:28 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2023 9:06 am
by zxys001

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2023 1:42 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2023 10:52 am
by Frederick_Law
Our new product will be called "Titan".

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2023 9:40 pm
by Tera
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Sat Jun 24, 2023 1:17 pm
by Ömür Tokman
[quote=zxys001 post_id=29366 time=1687352809 user_id=358
[/quote]

I thought flying cars were in trend and I didn't think technology would advance this much.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jun 26, 2023 1:41 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jun 28, 2023 1:47 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jun 29, 2023 9:42 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2023 3:15 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 04, 2023 1:58 pm
by zxys001
..

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2023 6:01 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2023 1:24 pm
by DennisD
This is very bad of me....

..... I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

.... I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

.... I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

.... Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

.... I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

.... I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

.... ALSO,now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

.... I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

..... Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

..... Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

..... I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

..... I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

..... And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

..... I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

..... I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..

... And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan .

... And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a penny coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

... I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

... If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!

... Oh, and by the way...

... A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

... Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P.S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2023 2:26 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2023 11:47 am
by zxys001
..our July calendar started out pretty good, no? ()

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2023 4:48 pm
by Frederick_Law
My silence doesn't mean I agree with you.
It's just every one I came up with will get me fired.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2023 1:54 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2023 7:39 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2023 3:42 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2023 2:56 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2023 11:39 am
by Frederick_Law
Reduce the Future to a loonie and I'll buy.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2023 6:53 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2023 8:45 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2023 10:28 am
by zxys001
oh yeah, forgot to start my buckit list,..

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2023 2:20 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2023 1:41 pm
by mattpeneguy
Looks like a nice weekend:
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Good news is that it's also very humid...

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2023 2:01 pm
by Glenn Schroeder
mattpeneguy wrote: Fri Jul 21, 2023 1:41 pm Looks like a nice weekend:
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Good news is that it's also very humid...
Would you like to trade?

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2023 7:09 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2023 12:52 pm
by Frederick_Law
How I looks like at work:
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2023 7:48 pm
by Tera
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2023 7:57 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 2:43 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2023 12:36 pm
by Frederick_Law
And go to gym.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2023 2:04 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2023 10:23 am
by zxys001
..

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2023 10:30 am
by Frederick_Law
Silence with duct tape is diamond.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2023 12:58 pm
by mattpeneguy
Frederick_Law wrote: Fri Jul 28, 2023 10:30 am Silence with duct tape is diamond.
Wrong, we are talking about metals here. The correct answer is platinum.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2023 1:21 pm
by Frederick_Law
mattpeneguy wrote: Fri Jul 28, 2023 12:58 pm Wrong, we are talking about metals here. The correct answer is platinum.
Have to look it up:
MetalPrice-01.jpg

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2023 3:14 pm
by mattpeneguy
Frederick_Law wrote: Fri Jul 28, 2023 1:21 pm Have to look it up:
MetalPrice-01.jpg
Wow, I always thought platinum was more expensive than gold...

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2023 3:20 pm
by mattpeneguy
Frederick_Law wrote: Fri Jul 28, 2023 1:21 pm Have to look it up:
MetalPrice-01.jpg
That reminds me. Years ago one of the electrical engineers here put a place holder for the material for a bus bar, intending to go fix it later. It went out with the place holder still in the plans...Platinum-Iridium...I guess the electrical contractor didn't look at the plans too closely and didn't catch it, but that had to be an interesting phone call.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2023 3:23 pm
by DanPihlaja
mattpeneguy wrote: Fri Jul 28, 2023 3:14 pm Wow, I always thought platinum was more expensive than gold...
It was:
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2023 4:26 pm
by Frederick_Law
Joking with engineers is no joke.

How many engineer you need to kill a joke?

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2023 4:51 pm
by jcapriotti
mattpeneguy wrote: Fri Jul 28, 2023 3:14 pm Wow, I always thought platinum was more expensive than gold...
You didn't play D&D by chance? ;)

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2023 1:21 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Aug 01, 2023 1:39 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2023 3:40 am
by KaMei
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