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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2021 10:21 am
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2021 9:08 am
by bnemec
Crossed my mind to create a second account here, username "Nobody" then go like everybody's posts.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2021 9:12 am
by mike miller
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2021 10:03 am
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2021 4:43 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2021 8:18 am
by mike miller
KaMei wrote: Wed Dec 08, 2021 4:43 amWireCharmer.jpg
Someone was sniffing the PVC cement!

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2021 9:41 am
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Dec 09, 2021 1:47 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Dec 10, 2021 1:57 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Dec 10, 2021 2:44 pm
by DennisD
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Book sold all his when he left the abbey.
Simon's got seized by the feds.
Kaylee has a mining rig in the engine room.
River knows all the codes to break the blockchain transactions.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2021 2:34 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2021 1:49 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2021 2:04 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2021 9:20 am
by DennisD
Lucille decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.

She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them."

'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous. "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."

"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."

"Well, we have them, and you could have."

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.

"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"

"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."

"But I didn't!"

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have." —

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2021 9:33 am
by mike miller
KaMei wrote: Thu Dec 16, 2021 2:04 am 6184f333c4f28_0ike1vawltr71__700.jpg
I need to put that on my SWX splash screen. <()>

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Dec 17, 2021 4:04 pm
by mike miller
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2021 9:13 am
by DennisD
In theatres now!
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2021 1:58 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2021 11:51 am
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2021 8:20 am
by DennisD
Pretty much. . .

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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2022 10:22 am
by DennisD
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Science humor

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2022 10:28 am
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2022 12:57 pm
by SamSpade
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2022 12:58 pm
by SamSpade
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2022 12:59 pm
by SamSpade
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2022 4:38 pm
by establ
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2022 2:18 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2022 9:10 am
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2022 9:37 am
by mattpeneguy
DennisD wrote: Thu Jan 06, 2022 9:10 amimage.png
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He could probably give a pilot a heart attack...

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2022 11:34 am
by establ

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2022 11:49 am
by DanPihlaja
mattpeneguy wrote: Thu Jan 06, 2022 9:37 am image.png
He could probably give a pilot a heart attack...
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2022 9:41 am
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jan 07, 2022 9:52 am
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2022 8:25 am
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2022 12:18 pm
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2022 1:05 pm
by SPerman
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2022 2:19 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jan 14, 2022 2:02 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Tue Jan 18, 2022 9:23 am
by DennisD
Too good to not share. . .
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2022 6:56 pm
by DennisD
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And I agree with them!

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2022 3:17 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2022 10:16 am
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2022 8:52 am
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2022 9:40 am
by DennisD
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A Winchester woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked,
'What's your hurry?'
She replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
'I'm a Rectum Stretcher,' she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what?'
'A Rectum Stretcher!'
'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet'
'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole?' he asked.
'You give him a radar gun & park him behind a bridge.'

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2022 10:08 am
by SamSpade
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2022 2:09 pm
by DennisD
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:19 pm
by zxys001
Priorities!

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2022 1:41 am
by KaMei
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Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2022 2:16 pm
by Jaylin Hochstetler
This was on a cloud service we use...
Modified 52 Years Ago.jpg
I don't think PDFs existed back then.

Re: Jokes Thread (Keep it Clean)

Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2022 2:49 pm
by Glenn Schroeder
Jaylin Hochstetler wrote: Thu Jan 27, 2022 2:16 pm This was on a cloud service we use...
Modified 52 Years Ago.jpg
I don't think PDFs existed back then.
I haven't seen that, but I once had File Explorer show the time a file was saved, and it was several minutes in the future. Unfortunately I didn't save a screenshot.